there are a million little strings attached
to every choice you make
you can destroy your life every time you choose
but maybe you won't know for twenty years

I’ve been very introspective for the past several weeks. I have so many people to thank for this. I’ve been in this cycle — my immediate next phrase was “for the past couple months” — for my entire life. Let’s be real, I’ve been teetering on the brink of something wonderful for a very long time. Small (and large) puffs of smoke have been expelled from my engine in my travel but really those aren’t best described as expelled waste but rather as notes on a very long sheet of music. Maybe I should say that fortes and crescendos on this (so far) epic and beautiful symphony of my life.

Well now I’m moving on, we’re all moving on, and the music isn’t over, we’re just moving to the next book or the next page or the next note. I’ve been so in love for so long and it hasn’t been with me because I was too afraid. I’m sick of thinking “I’m average” or “I did a pretty good job” and I’m looking more towards phrases like “damn I am really amazing” or “your effort has not gone unnoticed.” I am a great person with a lot to give and I’ve been settling for second best. I’ve been accepting the bronze when I know I’ve won the gold.

To all of those people, to all those friends, to all those loves. Your investment has paid off and if you’ve kept stock it’s finally split and your investment has paid off more so because I’m not Nick Krut mild mannered developer anymore. I’m Nick Krut, defender of the free world (or at least your recently microwaved food at the closest party). And if you need something, I’m a phone call away and if I need something I’ve realized I can call on you. I’ve finally seen the face of love, it’s called “ego” — thank god I’ve finally acquired one.