“i long to hold you in my arms and sway — kiss and ride on the c.t.a.”

These past couple months have been… different.  I’ve been loved and loved and it’s been wonderful.  Right now is a time for change though.  With many of the loved ones gone or leaving I find myself panicking and probably annoying most everyone who loves me — I’m sorry guys.  It really is amazing how much everyone gaining can make me lose, but my loss is worth the value that others are gaining.

I’ve met so many new people who I’ve fallen in love with and realized how many losses I’ve had by losing some of the people I’ve shrugged off.  I’ve been reminded of old passions and of things I haven’t pursued but I’ve also been reminded of my many successes and how proud I am of myself.  I left High School with a passion and no real plan and I’ve ended up here with a good job, a supportive friend group and so much potential and opportunities.  I really couldn’t have done it though without these small and big loves.

Every day is one day closer to me moving there and you moving elsewhere.  Every day is one day closer to me being a true individual with very few in-state family ties.  Every day is one day closer to change and while I like to stir my coffee a lot I’ve found change can be quite the adversary.  I love you, and you, and you.  And you all love me.  No matter where we are, no matter what we do, we’ll always at least have the love.  I’m going to have to meet at least ten awesome people to replace the two I’m losing.

You’ve made me smile and reminded me of the realities of love.  You’ve held my hand and you’ve believed in me when I’ve most needed it.  And I’ve given you the same.  The reality of the battle is that if all of the soldiers put down their guns everyone could just be happy.  Love isn’t a feeding frenzy, love is a construction project without a blueprint.  Sometimes we have to go back and re-lay the foundation.  I guess once the building is built it’s hard to not to make alterations.  I guess once the building is built it’s tempting to crush it, to break it down.  It’s like sand castles when you’re a kid.

Regardless.  The past couple months have been different and wonderful.  I’m okay with keeping this flashlight hat on and walking through the dark with you, and you, and you.