nick krut

Hey guys.

I like prefixing my posts with that, it makes it seem like I have amassed a large group of readers.

I am having a really hard time with this. I feel like how hard this all is for me is all I talk about but I really can’t get over it. I feel silly talking this way because all of my friends are so gung ho to leave home and get a place of their own; to go out and explore the world. I am too but I never realized how hard it can be to explore it all by yourself. It seems like many sections of my life are black and white without the fun, laughter and love that my friends and family add to it. There are so many things that I’ve seen while being here that are so lovely and I’ve just wanted to share them but I don’t have anyone to look over at and say, “Look at that!”

I know this is probably a great experience and I will look back at it and be really happy I spent this time here. However right now it feels like the last thing I could possibly want in my life, it feels like I should be sharing this experience with people I love. Maybe this is just because I’m in that midpoint. I’ve realized that I am living here now but I’m not quite sure this is what I want. Maybe my mind is telling me that this isn’t what is best for me, though my mind has been known to be wrong.

Sure I am doing well financially here but that is really rather unimportant to me. If I were making next to nothing but were surrounded by people I loved I would be grateful, money can buy you things but if the people who you love to share things with are not around many things lose meaning. I still enjoy coffee, reading, arrested development and good music but when I have a really good sip of coffee or hear a really good song… It doesn’t have the same effect sharing it over the internet or through a text message.

Maybe I’m complaining too much. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I really miss you all, not just for your company or your smiles or your hugs but for the people you are. I miss you for the way you are always willing to watch a show with me on a lonely night. I miss you all for the way you listen to me when I have a really dumb idea. I miss you for the way you give me books to read even if I might not be as able to appreciate them as you. I miss you for the way you are willing to drop everything and have tea with me. I miss you for the way you give me a card to show your support and love for me. I miss you for the way you butcher english with me like that is the way it was meant to be spoken. I miss the way you say goodnight. I miss everything about all of you and it is hard to not pay attention to missing all of you and concentrate on a project that has taken me so far from everything I know and love.

Funny how I missed these things while in Kenya but it didn’t hit nearly as hard. Maybe because I felt like that trip I was doing something for other people and this trip I feel like I’m doing it all for selfish me.

…

I got a bike today. I’ll take pictures maybe and put them up on here. It’s a cute Schwinn with faded pink wrap on the handle bars and a faded pink saddle. I got it from Working Bikes. It’s a really cool cooperative. Their website’s description of them is this:

The Working Bikes Cooperative is a not-for-profit tax-exempt 501(c)3 organization which diverts bicycles from the waste stream in Chicago by repairing them for sale and charity.

Working Bikes is primarily volunteer-driven. Currently it receives no government or foundation money. All its operations are funded through the sale of bicycles at its storefront. Working Bikes uses that money to provide bicycles to charity organizations within Chicagoland and to ship bicycles to the Gulf Coast, Cuba, Guatemala, Ecuador, and many other places of need.

In the countries to which Working Bikes ships, a bicycle can often mean the difference between work and unemployment. The bicycle is the primary means of vehicular transportation for the majority of the population and is used both for personal transportation and for carrying cargo.

Due to wage differences, a bicycle worth $20 in Chicago can be worth the equivalent of $1,000 in Africa.

Each year Working Bikes gives away over 5,000 bicycles locally and internationally. It distributes about 500 bicycles and wheelchairs in the Chicago area alone: to City programs, refugees and day camps.

I think it’s a damn cool idea personally. The bike only cost me $70 and I got a nice lock for $30 which came to a smooth $100 for a nice healthy means of transport. I feel like it was a quality investment.

I’m looking at places with my co-worker, Dan. I think that is what prompted this post initially. If I get an apartment it’s going to have to be a year lease so I’ll have to sell my lease when I’m ready to come back to Colorado. This is a huge commitment, really huge. I’ve never had an apartment before and I’m honestly really nervous about the idea of moving into a place that I have to agree I’ll pay them $800+ a month for a year even though I plan for it to be 6 months. I wish I could just hang out somewhere like Rick’s house and not have to get an apartment so if I wanted to just GTFO all of a sudden I wouldn’t have to think about, “How do I get rid of this apartment?”

I’m scared. I can’t wait to see my Dad this weekend so I can have a hug.

I love you all.

Sorry this was so long and accomplished so little.

I’m in Chicago today.

After one cancellation and a delay I’m finally in Chicago. My sister and I arrived around 5:15 (Chicago Time, 4:15 Colorado Time) and I’m liking Chicago. I am really missing a some parts and people of Colorado but it was time for some change. I’m sure I’ll be back a lot and I plan to be back in October but until then I’ll be thinking of all of you and missing you all. On my visits home I’ll probably arrange some time to hang out with people but since they will be mostly over weekends I will probably have limited time so if we don’t get to hang out, don’t be offended. <3

It’s interesting. People are a lot more sociable and friendly here. At least 5-7 times tonight my sister and I had someone randomly talk to us about one thing or another. It was exciting. I like outgoing people and it made me talk to people randomly too. I am afraid that once my sister leaves I might become a bit of a home body but that is ok. We have a lot of work to do out here so I need to concentrate. Anyways. It’ll give me time to read and write and maybe draw if I am sure no one is looking.

Thanks again everyone for all the support. I needed it and with your help I got here.

<3

ps: youcandoit.

I am so exhausted today. I got a good amount of sleep but preparing for this move is making me tired as hell. I feel like I have a lot to do and I don’t really want to do any of it recently.

Things are going pretty well. I know that I have to leave and I know that this is going to be a good experience for me but I can’t help but think about how much I’m going to miss home and all the people here. Right when my Colorado life started to seem like it made some sense too. =-/ Luckily I am only 21 and there are quite a few more years in my life to try to find the exact direction I am heading. Really more than anything I am just incredibly thankful for the past couple weeks. While there has been a lot of stress over all that is going on with me and my work there has also been a great deal of happiness and a lot of new experiences. I feel a lot more open in my life and a lot more free. It’s strange how one person can make you realize things you hadn’t realized before, even if they were things other people have been saying to you for months or years. Thank you.

In thinking about the amount of days remaining I want to try to maximize them, make them the most people packed days I can, but I know that would just make my current situation more stressful and make me a lot less prepared for my trip. What I need to be doing right now is just relaxing, preparing and enjoying my last few days in Colorado for a while whether alone or with one or two people, I just need to breathe and love.

Sorry to anyone I haven’t gotten a chance to hang out with. I love you all and it isn’t intentional but I will be back occasionally and I will be back in October(ish).

Now. Time to really kick some ass on this software.